apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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