My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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