I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
