I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
