Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
