Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sober January is a disaster.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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