Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
