I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
