I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
