As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
