im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
