Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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