I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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