hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
