How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
