I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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