everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
where does the pee come out of this thing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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