there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
