You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
