oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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