let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
