I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
