last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
