Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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