you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
