Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my poor anus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
