you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
