i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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