He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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