Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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