That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
