and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
