It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
