they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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