I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
