he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
