So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
