My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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