i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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