Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
