just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
