I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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