Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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