my sisters under your porch take her home
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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