And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
