haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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