mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
