He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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