Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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