Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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